I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I want to hold in the space of my blog. There are a lot of people with a lot of opinions about what a blog should be, how it should be written, and how I should show up here. It’s taken me over a year to realize that none of what “they” say really means anything to me. If I want my blog to be a bunch of lists with no SEO, I can do that. I’ve spent far too long letting my blog sit here because I was worried about what other people think.
I just turned 37 and have decided that for my birthday, among other things, I’m going to just let myself and my space be exactly who and what I think it should be…and fuck what “they” think.
So, in the spirit of that, here are 10 things about me
- I cuss a lot. Curse words are my favorite and it annoys me to my core that there are “bad” and “good” words. I feel like cuss words are just a nice little punctuation to my sentences.
- One of my favorite activities is getting to know myself. I spent a really long time in my life living life on other people’s terms. I built this bulletproof version of me with all kinds of walls around my heart. I guess maybe to protect everyone from this terrible person I thought I was. As I’ve broken down my own walls, I’ve realized that I’m really fucking cool. I actually love who I am. And for those of you with the side-eye, I so fucking see you because I was exactly there not so long ago.
- I love learning new things. I have come to know this piece of me as my little student. She loves to learn and she also loves to be “right.” It’s wild, as I start to learn new things, both parts of her show up. It’s also pretty cool because as I learn new things, I learn more about who I am and my process. How you do one thing is how you do everything, as the saying goes.
- I am learning how to be a good friend. I’ve told myself this story ever since I was a little kid that I was a bad friend. I’ve ruined lots of really good friendships that way and probably hurt a lot of people I really cared about with that story. Recently, I’ve been given the opportunity to show up for and fully receive friendships. In that process, I’ve also learned that I am quick to judge other women. I feel it’s a defense mechanism from my past story. Learning how to see through my ego and into the hearts of these women has been a really great gift.
- I have just started seeing myself for my authentic me. When I first started coaching, everyone always said to show up as my authentic self. I had zero ideas what that meant and I’ve been feeling into it. I feel now what it’s like to post as my authentic self versus posting just to post. The energy behind both feels different. I am seeing how that authenticity has always been in some places and how it’s seeping into others.
- I love to love. I’ve learned recently that if I’m not loving, there’s a part of me that’s judging. I used to judge and judge and judge…and I still do because holy shit, judgment is a hard one to get rid of. And I’ve found that when I show up loving myself first, there are a lot fewer parts of me judging whatever else is happening.
- I put myself first however I can. I always order my meals before my kid’s. I fold put away my laundry first. I cook whatever I want for dinner. I’ve learned that when I’m not putting myself first, shit gets nasty quickly. And maybe that is selfish but I want to teach my kids, and especially my daughter, that you should always put your needs first. You can’t fill from an empty cup and you shouldn’t want to.
- I want to change the world. My mission in life is to get as many women as possible to understand how absolutely powerful they are. I want them to know that their life and their purpose are so absolutely divine. I want them to see themselves for the total badasses they are and to live their life on their terms.
- I am a chicken. I get so scared to put myself out there and then when I do and I get positive feedback, I run! It’s something I will probably work on my entire life…starting with this blog post. That part of me that’s scared to be seen for the good is a piece that I’m beginning to understand well…and she’s very deeply ingrained in me.
- I teach through my life experience. I promise you that you won’t find anything I’ve posted about that I haven’t lived through. I do my own research and have my own lived experiences and that’s what I use as my lessons. For better or worse, you see the real me.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.