Do you constantly find yourself asking “Why do I feel so bad about myself?” Well, sister, I’ve got the number one reason right here and 5 ways to fix it.
First of all, you are not alone in this. I also suffer from picking myself apart piece by piece and then sitting in constant wonder of why I feel like shit.
Even on good days, I can find something wrong…it’s a gift, really.
It’s the data!
Data can literally be anything. Emotions, feelings, actual number data. The way our kids are acting can be data. And our brains take in an ungodly amount of data per second…11 million bits of information per second according to this article.
That’s an astronomical amount of information, right?
Our super-powered brains are always processing data which is totally awesome until we start using this data to mean something about us.
I spend a lot of time in my business on Instagram. So when my Instagram Insights aren’t ever increasing, I’m hating on myself. Or when my kids aren’t behaving perfectly, I start to tell myself that I’m doing something wrong.
Seriously, think about how often you use data to make yourself wrong. We use the number of followers or likes on social media posts, how many parties we get invited to, how we’re feeling, and what we’re manifesting all to make ourselves right or wrong…and we’re usually stacking ourselves in the “wrong” category.
If we don’t hit the desired number, where does our brain take us? Right to “We Suck-ville.” It’s totally insane, right?
I do it all the time too and I believe it’s one of the main reasons to answer the question “Why do I feel so bad about myself?”
I’ve been starting to wake up to how often and all the ways I use to justify my time in “I Suck-ville.”
There are a ton of things I use to go about removing meaning from each of these pieces of data and I’d like to share some of them with you guys because I know I’m not the only one who suffers from this affliction.
Investigate and question
This is a two-part trick to taking the meaning out of the data we use to make ourselves feel back about ourselves. You first investigate what you’re telling yourself about the data and then ask yourself if what you’re thinking is ultimately the truth.
The first step is to investigate what meanings I’m assigning to the data. What am I making this data mean about me, my biz, and/or my happiness? And I write all of the thoughts and beliefs I’m having about this data.
I’ll use Instagram Insight of how many accounts have been reached in the past 30 days:
If the number of accounts was high, then:
- The algorithm loves me
- I’m going to have a huge break and get hundreds of new followers
- I’m doing Instagram the “right” way
- New clients are going to be rushing to my door
- I am a good marketer
If the number of accounts was low, then:
- I suck at Instagram
- I’ll never get any new clients from Instagram
- Instagram is a waste of time
- I am terrible at marketing
- I am bad at manifesting
It’s wild what just one simple number can make my brain do! Imagine how it all stacks on top of each other when you aren’t aware that you’re doing this!
The next step is to question the heck out of these thoughts and beliefs. These thoughts and beliefs are just that…they are what our brain hands us right off the bat based on our pattern of thinking since our childhood.
So, is it ultimately true that the Instagram algorithm has feelings for anyone? Or that I will or won’t sign clients based on my Instagram reach? And if I have a low number of engagements, is it true that I should hang up my biz and go do something else? Do those numbers mean anything about my ability to manifest or be a good or bad person? NO, NO, NO, and HECK NO!
Another really awesome thing to do at this point in this process is to rewrite what you want to believe. Then this trick is really one of the only ones you need.
Get started now on busting the data myths you’re telling yourself. Pick one piece of data you constantly use and try this process.
Brains just brain
When you’re stuck in the thought loop of “Why do I feel so bad about myself?” remember that this is just a thought your brain keeps passing you.
As I said earlier, the thoughts our brains hand us first are just based on a pattern. Will we ever get to a point where we never think thoughts like that right off the bat? I’m not sure.
What I am 100% sure of is that we can change the way we react to the thoughts that are first served up. For instance, I don’t have to go into a deep dark hole of despair because of Instagram. I also don’t have to go flying high because of it either.
What I actually want for myself is autonomy from Instagram. I want to be able to look at a piece of Instagram analytics, or any other data for that matter, and not make it mean a damn thing about me.
And one way to go about that is to gently remind me that my brain is gonna brain. It’s designed to keep me safe and it does that by handing me thoughts it thinks will do so. I then get to decide what to do with these thoughts.
Stop looking at it
Yup, I said what I said. What if you just plain old-fashioned ignored the data? When I first started my business, I obsessively checked to see how many email subscribers I had and how many people visited my website each month.
And to be honest, I was not willing to sit in the feeling of having the numbers low. When I looked at the low numbers, I made it mean that I wasn’t cut out for this. I made it mean that what I had to offer wasn’t worth buying.
So instead of continuing to go down these paths of beating myself up over the data, I just stopped looking at it. I ignored it completely.
And you know what? I felt better about myself and my business. When I stopped looking at the data, I stopped caring about it too. I was able to remove myself from the situation of looking at something and making it mean anything about me. I stopped using data to make me feel bad about myself.
There are times when I still look at data and find myself going down the path of making it mean something terrible about me. And there are also pieces of data that are much harder for me to ignore, like the money in my bank account.
During those times, I use my next trick.
Replace your current thought
So maybe there are things you absolutely can’t ignore. Maybe it’s the money in the bank or your kids are acting like crazy people. There are definitely things in our lives that we haven’t cultivated a ton of good feelings about yet that we absolutely can’t ignore, I get it.
When that happens, it’s totally OK! The idea here is to replace your current thoughts and yuck feelings. Maybe you’re thinking “I have zero money” or “My kids are psychopaths and everyone thinks I’m a terrible mom.”
If you find yourself here, take a minute to just get aware of it. Ok, I’m thinking/feeling kind of blah about this situation. And then redirect – I know I can’t ignore this situation but I can look for a thought that feels better.
That thought of wanting something that feels better is usually all it takes. Our brains (and the Universe) are really cool like that, like attracts like. So when we’re looking for something that feels better, our brains deliver it.
Sometimes, it helps to get up and shake it off or go to the bathroom. Take a break from what you’re doing or take a couple of deep breaths to help those new thoughts sneak in.
Let the data mean everything is perfect
The fifth and final piece of advice! Use that data to make everything in your life perfect. This is my favorite exercise because it gets me off the hook and reminds me that I am human, I am supposed to go through ups and downs, and none of that means my life is off course. It means I am learning and growing which is exactly why I was put on this earth.
The next time you find yourself stressing over money or bills or analytics or your kid’s or spouse’s behavior and asking Why do I feel so bad about myself, just remember there’s a lesson in it. I truly believe that everything that happens to us is for the highest good of every being on the planet.
It is to teach us something, to support us in some way, and to help us learn to love more deeply. God/Spirit/The Universe does not make mistakes. Every mistake, everything that feels hard, is perfect in some way.
We might not be able to see it in this lifetime but I choose to trust the power that’s directing me in my life. And I choose to see my life as perfect and a lesson in some way on how to love myself and others more.
Ditch the “Why I feel so bad about myself”!
So, my friend, we’ve reached the end. If you’ve made it this far, please know that you are a perfect being. Your “flaws” make you who you are, they make you whole. And you is a very beautiful, unique, and amazing thing.
Just remember, feelings are also just data and Why do I feel so bad about myself is just a thought. All things that can be investigated and questioned, ignored, and changed perspective on.
And if you’re having trouble with that, I’ve got you. I am an Intuition coach helping women to remember who they are…check out more of me here.